5 things Yoga has taught me about myself
I’ve been practicing on and off for 3 years now
Now I’m going to prefix this with a clear statement that I am by no means an advanced yogi, I’ve only just learned to headstand and I frequently go weeks without practicing at all. Despite the imperfect routine, my time practicing yoga has shone a light on a few things about myself that are not exactly productive or helpful, and through this recognition, I have been able to make small changes that go a long way.
So what has yoga taught me about myself?
1. I have no idea how I’m feeling most of the time
Most days I wake up, get ready, get coffee, and start working. I time-block my days so I know exactly what I’m expected to achieve and how long it will take me to get tasks done. Recently, lunchtime rolled around and I noticed that I was in a foul mood. I had been since I woke up, and the feeling had lingered. I was unmotivated, lethargic, and felt rundown.
Feeling like this is rare for me, but we’re all human and emotions come and go, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Yoga teaches us to check in on ourselves, assess how we feel, and set intentions for the future. It is on the yoga mat that I assess how I’m doing emotionally and physically so that I can understand myself just a little better, uncovering the things that trigger negative emotions, or just identify when I’m running myself down.
It is through yoga that we can then rebuild ourselves, just listening to breath patterns helps to ground me, pull me into the present moment, and calm those thoughts that sometimes crowd my mind. It’s like getting a blank slate, every time you practice.
2. I don’t like it when I don’t win at something
Well, that’s not exactly true, but I respond best when there’s a goal to be achieved or a target to work towards. Yoga is a practice, there are no winners or losers, and there is nothing to ‘show’ from your time on the mat. This is an incredibly humbling experience. It teaches you to leave your ego at the door and just practice at a level that suits you in that moment.
This is so much harder than it sounds. It means that there should be no looking over your shoulder at the super bendy person next to you and trying to do better than them. It even means that if you’re the most advanced in the room, you shouldn’t feel like you are better than others. Most importantly, your achievements one day might be far less than what you were able to achieve the week before. Listening to your body in the present moment is hard, but when you do, your body is thankful, and there lies the real achievement.
3. I can’t sit still
At the end of most yoga practices I have experienced in the past 3 years, classes end in Shavasana, which involves lying on your back, and relaxing completely. Another part of yoga that sounds so simple, but it's much harder in practice. During this part, my mind quickly jumps to my to-do list, the awkward encounter I had in a meeting or (most often) what is for dinner. Creating stillness is hard because as people, we tend not to be satisfied with our current state, instead opting to plan for the future.
This is fine, but in the constant striving for improving our future selves, we forget to take a moment to be happy with our current situation. I might not be exactly where I want to be, but I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was a year ago, and in these moments of stillness I get to be proud of that.
4. I’m not always patient
When I’m passionate about something, I tend to throw myself into the project with a wild enthusiasm, which often results in burnout. I’m also a sucker for instant gratification and expect to quickly reap the rewards of hard work. Life and yoga have taught me that this is not a sustainable mindset. Whilst recognition for hard work will be a feature in most of our lives, it shouldn’t be the pillars from which we construct our identity.
In yoga, we are encouraged to practice patience, maintaining consistency over time to develop habits that get us to where we want to be in a grounded and sustainable way. Taking a consistent approach to my yoga practice means that I do not always show up as a result of my motivation, but rather as a result of the habits I have developed over time. There is a different type of reward that comes from tackling life this way, one that is more self-assured in my opinion.
5. I care about how people perceive me
I would argue that everyone cares about what people think of them; to some extent at least. This feeling is productive, it keeps us in check and is probably what helped our ancestors to create a functioning society. But when our desires to be accepted conflict with our authenticity, problems undoubtedly arise. During yoga, we are encouraged to confront our authentic selves, our true feelings and develop a relationship with the person that we really are when we’re alone.
This process has helped me to identify situations and relationships where I am not my authentic self. I notice when I am trying to impress someone or when I am covering my emotions to fit better into what society expects of me. This is another effort in the quiet acts of rebellion that are dotted throughout this list, that the consistent practices of yoga have helped me develop.
Yes, I care about people’s opinions. Yes, I’m not always in touch with my emotions, and yes, I am overly competitive sometimes. Yoga didn’t change who I am as a person. Yoga invited me to sit at the table and confront myself, getting to know what motivated me, excited me, and scared me.
From there, yoga taught me that I can do anything.
